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Happy Holidays for some

Happy Holidays ,Merry Christmas. While the world loves those. To most of the trans community, it just signals the dark days of December. Christmas past when I was almost a teenager . I would secretly wish for an item. I had folded the page down in  the girls section of the  Sears catalog. I knew i would never get this.  This was the side of me hidden from the world ,from my family, but the Holidays always brought joy. The joy of being with family. Family just  felt stronger at the holidays. Those moments even though they happen year round. Are enhanced at the holidays , maybe it has something to do with tinsel , tinsel always seems to brighten a room.

I see some of my FB friends in the trans community reconnecting with a few family members that had turned their backs to them when they came out as Transgender. I’m so happy to see the light in their eyes and a smile on their faces. But it always mentioned in their post just a few have come back , the others in her life without saying a word in her post,   likely will never come around. It’s like the magic of Christmas when you learned there was no Santa Claus and the magic dissappeared . It was never the same feeling again, the magic of Christmas the magic of family to my friend.

One of  trans support sites  on the internet  there was a link for ” An LGBTQ+ Guide to Surviving Christmas Alone”  This guide was from England, apparently the United States  and England have this in common also pushing that community away. I pulled it up to browse. There is a section “What should i eat?” a suggestion to treat yourself on Christmas Day  as you won’t be gathered around a holiday table with family. “Ways to keep yourself Busy” “Keep an eye on your substance use.” “Remember ,it’s just 24 hours.” Every section in there with helpful and sometimes life saving information. Transgender Suicide Hotline (877)-565-8860.  This would never have been needed if we never had come out to our families or families reacting as they have towards us.

This year we weren’t in the holiday mood, covid fatigue, the world in chaotic social media mess , maybe it was the thought of  another holiday spent by ourselves, I’m not quite sure . We didn’t even put up a tree this year , just left it in the closet in the basement  , maybe next year it’ll be brought out.. My Christmas’s might never have the magic from my childhood , nor what i experienced even three years ago. But  I am thankful that a small part of my family has truly reconnected with me this year   and for that i am truly blessed woman . I have a small bird of paradise plant in our living room growing under a grow light. We  decorated with Christmas lights and one or two ornaments, and it  looks as Larry David from Curb Your Enthusiasm would say “It’s  pretty pretty pretty good” , hmmm maybe next year I’ll add a little tinsel to it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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