TriVersity Forum


Who is allowed in my Bubble ?.

Distrustful, stand offish, pushing people away. I recently had a go around on a social media page, and these were words that got thrown around. And yes i am guilty of each and everyone of those charges. And I will admit most everyone who is living there truth in some form is guilty also of these charges. Thankfully  there is no jail time for being aloof.

Aloof an adjective : not friendly or forthcoming; cool and distant. “they were courteous but faintly aloof”. I know i’m very gregarious  and engaging, when i’m in my comfort zone. With people that have earned my trust. I was talking in a group of other trans folk and allies the other day. One of the people there, who i so admire her, for her  tenacity. Used the word trust in describing people she has become close with, people who she is comfortable being in her bubble or sphere.

How is it that the trans community can be so distrustful. Could it be that if you come out to people and transition after age 35. You lose roughly 88% of your friends and family. 65% almost immediately the other 23% during the next 2 years.   This survey was the last one done in 2015. The next survey for the trans community to be part of will be in February of 2022. We become hesitant about trusting. When you go from being loved and supported to being vilified and despised over night. It’s a wake up call to the lack of humanities ability to understand something outside the binary.

90% of transgender people report experiencing harassment ,mistreatment or discrimination on the job. 53% of transgender people report being harassed or disrespected in a place of public accommodation .  22% of respondents who have interacted with the police reported harassment by the police, with much higher rates reported by people of color. It’s no wonder 46% of the trans community are very uncomfortable seeking police assistance. 

So when we appear to be a bit stand-offish.The above statistics explain a lot and  our hesitancy to interact with strangers.  We do have our reasons why we don’t let our guard down. We are often on a high alert depending where we are. Myself if someone comes up to me to talk , i assess whether they are approaching me with a smile or a look of business in there demeanor and mannerisms. Like any other  woman if my intuition is flashing red  a klaxon horn blaring in my head  ” warning -warning impending threat “. Till that person proves they are genuine and not a threat i’ll keep you at arms length .Till you earn my trust to be in my bubble . I’ve  have had to many backs turned ,too much hostility from intentional misgendering, too much loss of friends and family, simply because my outside matches my inside now.  Can you blame us ? For  being aloof.



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